Discouraged, Scared...

Hope everyone is feeling well! I have been doing so good & think I may have over done myself some & am being slowly knocked down by this flu bug I THINK that's what it is anyways. My husband is having the same symptoms I am, so pretty sure it's not just the Lupus. Except, even the flu tends to set off my Lupus (grumpy disease this Lupus, eh?!) I have been battling migraines for 3 days & feeling on the verge of passing out & my nausea, dizziness, & body aches are worse today. I am so discouraged to be feeling this way after a couple of GOOD weeks. Weeks where I felt better than I have in years. I don't want to admit to my husband how bad I am suddenly feeling because he is getting sick as well & he is diabetic so it just sends his sugar levels through the roof when he is sick, which makes him feel worse. I am just so FED UP with feeling this way. I am so over it! Why can't it just stop, just for a little while even? I am just discouraged by it & need to vent. And I promised myself once we started this blog, I would share the good & the bad. So, here's the bad. I am strong & stubborn but boy does this disease knock the strongest to their knees! A flare for me means seizures, which means someone needs to be at home with me when that starts as I have small children. God please, I can't handle seizures at this point! We can't afford for my husband to miss work & really have no one else to help.
Speaking of all that, St Joseph's Hospital called & my prior auth through my insurance went through & they want to schedule my 5-7 day hospital stay for seizure/brain wave monitoring & mapping & brain & kidney biopsy. I am terrified to do this (not the long term eeg part, I've done that before, the biopsies scare me) they have called twice & I am avoiding it due to my fears. Stupid, I know! I have to get it all done to know what we're dealing with & the severity of things & get me on the right treatments so maybe I can get this Lupus into remission at best or feeling well for longer periods of time at the least. But geeze, brain biopsy, so scary to me! My not feeling well is a motivator to get it scheduled and over with though. Guess I will be calling them on Monday. I can't schedule it until my daughter is out of school for the summer though, as I homeschool her. But we are then faced with, where will my girls stay while I am in the Hospital? We can't afford my husband to be off work that long. But, his mind wouldn't be on work with me in the hospital anyways, so he will likely take off that time. God, how am I going to be away from my girls for 5-7 days?! Sure, they can.come visit, but it's not the same.
Goodness this post makes no sense! Just the ramblings of a discouraged Lupie, terrified of what's to come. Sorry for that. But, this is my life with Lupus, this is my fight, this is the bad stuff.~~Sarah